Slips

     I will be the first to admit, I am not perfect. I have slips. Being stable doesn’t mean that I’m happy all the time. It means that my bipolar is more manageable.  I still swing up and down, but usually not as severe and I reach out for help. 

What most people don’t realize is the constant battle in my mind. The constant pressure to be like everyone else. To hide my emotions. To not be overly sensitive. Sometimes just that pressure alone is enough to send me into a tailspin. Add into working full time and being a parent, and sometimes slips just happen. 

What should be happening is that I shouldn’t have to fit into society's standard of normal. I shouldn’t have to fear people’s judgment just because they think I am overreacting. For showing more emotion than most do. Then telling me I’m overreacting and I need to calm down. 

Sometimes I need extra breaks, sometimes I just want to be left alone, and sometimes I can’t stand the thought of being alone. I am just like everyone else, I just feel things a little bit more. The ups and downs aren’t the only part of bipolar disorder. Despite what you hear in the media or read about in books. 

I will obsess over a new hobby, then suddenly lose interest. I am very literal, sometimes I have a hard time understanding sarcasm. Which makes people think I can’t take a joke. I get easily paranoid, sometimes needing to talk it out with someone to make sense and not overreact. I can be short tempered. 

Hypomania is very much real and sometimes hard to detect at first. Sometimes even I don’t realize when it’s happening, until my Mom mentions it. Talking fast, not making sense. A little bit paranoid even. Even medicated slips happen and adjustments need to be made. 

Being stable means always taking my medicine, going to therapy, and continuing doctor appointments. Being honest with my support system when I feel like I’m having a slip. Listening to people when they notice these slips before me. But having bipolar does not stop me from living a full life.

I have a full time job that I love, I have 2 children that are my world, I have wonderful family support. Sure I sometimes need breaks, but who doesn’t?  I am my own person, despite having bipolar disorder. Having slips is just what makes me human. Working together with my support system has given me a relatively normal life. Able to work through my slips freely and with support.