Today I Feel

 Today I feel….

Recently I took up journaling. Something that I have started and stopped over and over again. My therapist suggested it. Even if all I write is one word sentences. She suggested starting with, “Today I feel…” And off I go. Happy, sad, afraid, or angry.

Sometimes I get more in depth, sometimes all I can get out is that one sentence. Most of the time it’s sad. I can’t seem to shake this recent bout of depression. I had a short stint of mania, and ran through about two thousand dollars. Then the crushing depression that I just can’t seem to shake. It feels like it's always there. Haunting me. 

Then it’s multiple doctor appointments. Changing up medicine. More visits. All the while trying to figure out how to journal. How to put my thoughts on paper. How to express myself and have it make sense. Most of the time it ends up as rambling. But it’s out on paper.

Sometimes I feel like the monster won’t let me go, other days I have hope. The good days keep me going. Keep the suicidal thoughts at bay. The bad days though, it’s all I can do to keep them from consuming me.

Recently I find myself thinking more and more that this is my life, I have to find a way to cope. I pick up hobbies, journaling, crafting, and writing as my outlets. This blog is my way to reach out, let people know they aren’t alone. That you never know what someone is going through.

Be open and honest with each other. If you can’t then journal, write it out. Write out the pain, the joy, the anger, or what you are afraid of. Do whatever you need to do. Find someone to talk to. Pick up a pen and write. Reach out. You are not alone. Even if it’s just one sentence. Today I feel…

If you or someone you know are experiencing suicidal thoughts do not me afraid to reach out. Call or text 988. Or text the crisis text line at 741741.