Let's talk about suicide(trigger warning)

 Let’s talk about suicide (trigger warning)

Suicide is the act of someone taking their own life. A suicide attempt is when someone is unsuccessful at taking their own life. I’m going to be completely honest, I’ve attempted suicide twice. I have had suicidal thoughts numerous times. This is a subject that people shy away from but needs to be talked about.

As someone who has been hospitalized multiple times for attempts and suicidal thoughts, I am going to be brutally honest, if you need help: Seek Out The Help. Do not let it get so bad that you feel like you have no way out. There is always a way out. And I say this as someone who has lived in your shoes and possibly will again someday.

I have lived so much of my life in the dark that sometimes I forget the light in life. Seeing my kids smile, date night with my fiance, family gatherings. All things that I miss out on when I’m stuck in the darkness that is my depression. My depression feels like I’m in this dark hole and I just can’t get out.

I forget how to talk at times. I feel like I’m in a fog. Forcing a smile on my face. Forcing to pretend everything is ok. Have you ever answered the question “Are you ok?” With “I’m fine.” But what every part of your body is screaming for help? That is what happens when you let depression get too bad. 

My highs of mania are nothing compared to the lows of my depression. I find myself there often. Starts with suicidal thoughts and then sometimes, if I don’t reach out, turns into a plan. Which twice now I have followed through with. I have had to be hospitalized three times now. And I’m not ashamed of it. I was where I needed to be at the times I needed to be there.

The first time I wanted out and said what I needed to say in order to get out. But the second two times I actually participated. And learned coping skills. I’m not ashamed of reaching out for help, even if the help was asked too late at times. I have learned that there are so many people that love me and want me around. There are people out there that NEED you! Don’t be afraid to ask for help. 

I know I have been repeating myself over and over, but do not be afraid to reach out for help! Whether it be a family member, friend, doctor, just someone. Someone you trust. Just be open and honest about how you are feeling, Suicidal thoughts are not a laughing matter. They should be taken seriously everytime. 

If someone comes to you and asks for help then be prepared to take them seriously. Be prepared to talk to them, be prepared to ask the hard questions. Be prepared to take them to the hospital if necessary. Be prepared to listen. Do not undermine them. Do not tell them to get over it! Actually listen to them. 

I hope if I reach just one person, I can help save one person. Then what I’m doing matters. Being open and honest about my struggles I hope shows people that you aren’t alone. Feel free to reach out to me even if you feel like you have no one else. 

The National Suicide hotline is 988. You can also reach out to the crisis text line at 741741.